How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
