I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
