Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
