He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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