Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
