She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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