Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
