I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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