She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
