I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
