His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
