it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my shit smells like andre
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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