This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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