It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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