I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
