I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
