It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize