I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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