you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
