my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
