guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
