I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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