went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
