So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
