When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
