I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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