1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
