Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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