3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
