sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
