You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
