smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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