A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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