just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
