Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
