I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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