I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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