I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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