She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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