try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
