Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All the doctor said was why
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
