Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
