I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
