I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
