You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
