dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
