You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party