so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
