I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
