I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize