I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
