: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
