Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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