My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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