Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
