best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
