smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
