"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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