I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
