His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
