when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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