Say something about gay babies.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
