Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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