u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
