Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
