I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
