Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
