I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
