rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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