You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
